weird dreams

last night i dreamt that i stumbled into a truck stop bathroom to find a mexican man doing cocaine against a stall door. he offered me some on his pinky nail, i took it, left without using the bathroom and proceeded to drive all night, to an unknown destination, listening to the beegees all the way.

spiders

i had this weird dream, i was bit by a spider, and all these weird lesions bumped up all over my skin and they looked mad sick but i couldnt go to a doctor because i didnt have health insurance, but no one seemed to notice them so i hoped for the best and waited to see if they would go away. then they went away, but i ran into this doctor guy on the street and casually mentioned it, and he freaked out and got mad serious and told me that i was fine until one of the lesions burst, because when it did it let all of the oxygen out of my blood and my heart would stop unless i got to a hospital within 5 minutes. so everything was cool beans until one day the lesions showed up again, and they were worse this time, all pulsing like in the gremlins movie when they accidentally get gizmo wet, mad gross. so im freaking out and one of the lesions bursts, and starts spraying out like a geyser, so then it became this big dramatic sequence of me trying to stop the spray and get to a hospital but no one would help me get there and it was getting past the 5 minute mark and thats when i woke up.

fuck, what the hell does that mean!?

the paper

so i decided that i want to start a local paper.
i got the idea randomly looking at a "coffee times" in a biscuitville in raleigh (and i always said nothing good ever happened in raleigh).
its a simple long page, sort of old style paper, folded once.
articles in the middle, ads along the edge.
reading yes weekly and rhino times while wating on food is almost intolerable, there is so much bullshit.
also, i have some of the most talented friends ever, and i want to put their talents to good use, and get them some recognition for them, and if possible get us all paid, son.

so here is the tentative line up:

columns/articles

movie reviews - kyle milton
world in review - kevin wood
editorial/really anything - mika chance
astrology - lee ann
eats (food reviews) - sawyer beaton
book reviews- allyson deaton
stranger than fiction (weird news)- myself
miss understood (advice column) - adrienne testa
beer of the week - kevin purcell

other things:

local happenings - brought to you by whysobored & my favorite things
new music releases/college radio top 10 - brought to you by wuag/wqfs
new on dvd (by video review?)
sudoku/crossword - stolen from somewhere
word of the day
this week in 1980
comics - victor devlin, brad neely (creased comics), married to the sea
deal of the week
carousel movie times
trivia question - kevin wood


possible things that we may or may not do eventually:

mix tape download
free song from a local band download
connect the dots
new/old music reviews - sawyer
comic drama wrap up - vic
sports - michael sileno
classifieds/free to a good home (classifieds)

im still trying to come up with a catchy name for the whole thing.
if anybody has any suggestions AT ALL, for a name, or a something you think it needs, content wise, do not hesitate to contact me!!!

i need to write more, so i will.

i have always denied that i was a "hopeless romantic", but lately i have been thinking more about what that actually means. to me, it used to mean that when, in a relationship, you went out of your way to kiss in the rain, or you laid rose pedals upon the bed before "making sweet love" or you leave a trail of love notes for your sleeping partner leading them to a box of chocolates and a valentines bouquet. but lately, it kinda means you have dreams and ideals regarding romance that are almost implausible, fairy tales. now, according to this definition, i AM a hopeless romantic, i think most people are. but im also a realist, in that, i realize that these thoughts and hopes are most likely going to never occur in real life, scenarios are never going to pan out the way that i imagine them, yet, i still have them. what is this exactly? i somehow never get exactly what i want, but somehow persevere, without becoming discouraged or depressed or bitter.

would these things still be on my mind if i had never watched cinderella as a child, or heard the story of rapunzel? a part of me says yes, a part says no. i guess there is no way to really tell, and there is no real answer to this, only an opinion, of which i still have conflicting views. just something i was thinking about. it seems to me romance is dead. patience is dead. there is no mystery left. the internet killed it, technology killed it. you know almost everything you would like to know about a person by just clicking a website. all the questions you would have to have actually asked 15 years ago. this in turn, forms an opinion in your head. i like this person, i hate this person, this person is hot/ugly. i make opinions based on peoples musical taste, their favorite movies or authors, and yet, in my own life, i have very little of these things in common with my best of friends. of course there are some core similarities, but for the most part, on paper, on viewing them on the internet, i might not be inclined to befriend them.

today i sat down to write a letter, a real letter (one you send in the mail), to an almost complete stranger, and realized that i didn't even own paper. i had no envelopes, i had no stamps. this struck me as incredibly sad, amongst other things, but i wont get into all that.

do yourself a favor, take someone you barely know, write them a letter, say anything you are thinking about, be only yourself, no fronts, don't hold back, after all, what have you really got to lose? tell them something about yourself, anything. ask them a question, start out with something simple, like "what's your favorite shape?". remember what its like to feel a pen in your hand, the sound of paper tearing, dream about their reaction to the letter, anticipate receiving one in return. don't lurk them on the internet or warn them of its arrival, or chat with them on aim, or text them, kick it old school for as long as possible.

now, see what happens.
simple as that.
i feel like we have lost a lot of things in this day and age, that seem important to get back. im going to start doing some things differently, maybe you will too, if anything you might start to feel some things you never thought you could again.

just an idea...


goodnight.

i've got a crush

on a girl.

hands in pockets

solo hang today.
it was good but,
i think too much.


fall hit like a car wreck, i usually have more time to adapt than this overnight thing that happened. house of tad died, schools back in, my three month jobless vacation has come to an end with a full time job working 40 hours starting tuesday.

i finally saw 500 days of summer today, it was good, although the parallels between it and my relationship with caitlin were pretty staggering. not really a bad thing, it was just weird to think about things i haven't thought about in a long time. it seems like a lifetime ago.

i am not one to complain, anyone who knows me knows that, but periodically i get hit with a crushing wave of loneliness that is hard to deal with. im not depressed, it always passes, just, days like today are emotional.

ive been riding my bike 6 - 10 miles a day, and was lucky enough to score a job at a bike shop. my car is out of commission and the shop is within riding distance so im excited about getting into shape again.

why is it so hard for me to follow through with anything unless its forced on me?

i should write more, im bad at it.

goodnight moon.

in addition to my last post, let me add

a girl that doesn't own a cat or want to be a vampire.

you would be surprised at how many of the female population this will disqualify.