without mythologies.

if it weren't for my band i would have lost my mind by now.

we played our first show last night.
it was probably the most amazing and violent act i have ever been a part of.
also the most cathartic.


i have no idea whats going on anymore, and i feel lost.
i definitely have absolutely NO control over any part of this thing.
thats nothing new though, i never have.
and its what i need, but its exhausting.
i just have a feeling, that soon, everything is going to fall apart.




fuck, i hate this doubt, its not me.
but the line we walk is a thin one.


i somehow find comfort in knowing that you don't understand this any more than me.





sorry, im just thinking out loud now.
i've been avoiding a post like this for a while, it just helps so much to write it down.




for the first time in a long time i feel the overwhelming desire to leave.
leave this state.
leave this country.

both will happen soon.





let's explode.

where do we go from here?

just about anywhere.



i'm at a loss for words.





<3

life as of late.

has been crazy.
but for the most part, amazing.

new friends.
insane adventures.
intense parties.

war elephant is going strong and picking up momentum.
im anxious to play our first show.
ive never been more happy and fulfilled in a band like this and it feels incredible.
i cant wait to start playing and share it with everyone.
even though most of you will probably hate it.
hahaha

thebreathing has been on hold lately, that stuff has always been more for me than anyone else.
but i have had a burst of creativity the past week and i wrote a new song.
i will leave you with it.

see you all in party town, i'll be the guy slapping your girlfriend's ass and filling your hat with cheese balls.

<3


thai tea

it's been a long year
but you know just as well as i
cause we have walked the same roads
the same time

and we have been alone
for our whole lives
so what's the big deal now?

only
this one thought remains
solely

(don't leave)

yeah, we have been over this
and i have been over it
over and over again

but to tell you the truth
i wouldn't let go of you
even if i knew how to

so i'm lost
and it's late
and ive been thinking these thoughts too long
without saying anything
its cold
and im confused
so please bare with me
bare with me
please

at least
until i find the words i need

i think...

sometimes you just need to lay in your floor, listening to novi split and staring at the ceiling fan for an hour or two, to put your whole life into perspective.



this will be a good year.



<3

winter dies the same way every spring.

the weakerthans are the only band that can still bring tears to my eyes every fucking time.
every time.



i just saw the movie sunshine.
i have to say,
it sort of blew me away.

im unstable at the moment but it feels good to be this vulnerable every once in a while.

this year is going to be an interesting one.
on both side of the fence.
i dont know if that really makes sense.
it does to me.
this blog isnt going to make much sense, i can already tell.

i apologize in advance.

lately i have discovered some new things about myself.
i like knowing myself so well.
you know, all you have to do is listen.
its scary sometimes.
i go into my head and just think about the things i do, or don't.
i know every issue.

but lately i have been wondering why.
its not as easy to pinpoint.
and what is the cure exactly?
and would i change anything if i could?

i think i genuinely enjoy the turmoil as much as the highs.
that may be fucked up but its true and i am okay with that.
i feel alive.
and im not depressed, or really crazy, or have any serious problems.
i am thankful for that.
and im glad i can still be honest with myself, as well as most people i know.

there are some people i miss too much.
there are some people i dont miss as much as i should.
there are things i cant control.
there are things i can, but don't.
there are games i play that arent healthy.
and i wish i could stop before i hurt someone else that i love.
is knowing these things even helpful?

this is going deeper than i originally desired it to go.
im opting out before it gets out of hand.





in the end, it feels good to be able to say, if i love you, you know it.

<3

if mike huckabee wins

i will kill myself.

or him.


or i am moving out of the country.

i will not live in mike huckabees america.


seriously, is anyone paying attention?

number one : he is a baptist fucking minister


2. seperation of church and state? fuck no. FUCK NO.

"My faith is my life - it defines me. My faith doesn't influence my decisions, it drives them. For example, when it comes to the environment, I believe in being a good steward of the earth. I don't separate my faith from my personal and professional lives."

3. over turning the roe vs. wade verdict? fuck womens right to choose. god doesnt think its right, he asked him about it.

4. BANNING GAY MARRIGIAGE by fighting for a constitutional amendment defining marriage as one man and one woman? only straight people deserve to be happy, right? he also talked to god about this one.

5. war in iraq? keep it going.

"Setting a timetable for withdrawal is a mistake. This country has never declared war until "a week from Wednesday," we have always declared war until victory."

what exactly are we trying to "win" here, mike?

6. guns? everyone should own one. baby's. criminals. its in the constitution for gods sakes

number seven: hes a baptist fucking minister.


are you fucking kidding me.

im so angry right now.

come on america, dont let me down again.

please?




<3

back to reality.

come to think of it, i really prefer complications.

okay, thats nothing new.


shutup jason.






okay.