guh.

And I try not to worry,
but you've got me terrified.
it's like we're in some kind of hurry
to say goodbye.





infinite repeat.

live through this, and you won't look back.

things are finally starting to evolve and its more relieving than i expected.

i feel good about the immediate future.
really, really good.




in other news...

i quit b.b.'s
that place has become a shit hole
i dont know how it is still open now.
i have a really sweet new haircut.
a really rad new house.
the king of all porches.
a good job and great friends.
and a lot of plans for the summer.

like bringing a knife to a gunfight.

godamn, i needed that.




<3

chapter 5ish

now comes the hard part.

my life

is so fucking weird right now.


i wish i had words to describe this feeling.





fuck.

without mythologies.

if it weren't for my band i would have lost my mind by now.

we played our first show last night.
it was probably the most amazing and violent act i have ever been a part of.
also the most cathartic.


i have no idea whats going on anymore, and i feel lost.
i definitely have absolutely NO control over any part of this thing.
thats nothing new though, i never have.
and its what i need, but its exhausting.
i just have a feeling, that soon, everything is going to fall apart.




fuck, i hate this doubt, its not me.
but the line we walk is a thin one.


i somehow find comfort in knowing that you don't understand this any more than me.





sorry, im just thinking out loud now.
i've been avoiding a post like this for a while, it just helps so much to write it down.




for the first time in a long time i feel the overwhelming desire to leave.
leave this state.
leave this country.

both will happen soon.





let's explode.

where do we go from here?

just about anywhere.



i'm at a loss for words.





<3