i need to write more, so i will.

i have always denied that i was a "hopeless romantic", but lately i have been thinking more about what that actually means. to me, it used to mean that when, in a relationship, you went out of your way to kiss in the rain, or you laid rose pedals upon the bed before "making sweet love" or you leave a trail of love notes for your sleeping partner leading them to a box of chocolates and a valentines bouquet. but lately, it kinda means you have dreams and ideals regarding romance that are almost implausible, fairy tales. now, according to this definition, i AM a hopeless romantic, i think most people are. but im also a realist, in that, i realize that these thoughts and hopes are most likely going to never occur in real life, scenarios are never going to pan out the way that i imagine them, yet, i still have them. what is this exactly? i somehow never get exactly what i want, but somehow persevere, without becoming discouraged or depressed or bitter.

would these things still be on my mind if i had never watched cinderella as a child, or heard the story of rapunzel? a part of me says yes, a part says no. i guess there is no way to really tell, and there is no real answer to this, only an opinion, of which i still have conflicting views. just something i was thinking about. it seems to me romance is dead. patience is dead. there is no mystery left. the internet killed it, technology killed it. you know almost everything you would like to know about a person by just clicking a website. all the questions you would have to have actually asked 15 years ago. this in turn, forms an opinion in your head. i like this person, i hate this person, this person is hot/ugly. i make opinions based on peoples musical taste, their favorite movies or authors, and yet, in my own life, i have very little of these things in common with my best of friends. of course there are some core similarities, but for the most part, on paper, on viewing them on the internet, i might not be inclined to befriend them.

today i sat down to write a letter, a real letter (one you send in the mail), to an almost complete stranger, and realized that i didn't even own paper. i had no envelopes, i had no stamps. this struck me as incredibly sad, amongst other things, but i wont get into all that.

do yourself a favor, take someone you barely know, write them a letter, say anything you are thinking about, be only yourself, no fronts, don't hold back, after all, what have you really got to lose? tell them something about yourself, anything. ask them a question, start out with something simple, like "what's your favorite shape?". remember what its like to feel a pen in your hand, the sound of paper tearing, dream about their reaction to the letter, anticipate receiving one in return. don't lurk them on the internet or warn them of its arrival, or chat with them on aim, or text them, kick it old school for as long as possible.

now, see what happens.
simple as that.
i feel like we have lost a lot of things in this day and age, that seem important to get back. im going to start doing some things differently, maybe you will too, if anything you might start to feel some things you never thought you could again.

just an idea...


goodnight.

i've got a crush

on a girl.

hands in pockets

solo hang today.
it was good but,
i think too much.


fall hit like a car wreck, i usually have more time to adapt than this overnight thing that happened. house of tad died, schools back in, my three month jobless vacation has come to an end with a full time job working 40 hours starting tuesday.

i finally saw 500 days of summer today, it was good, although the parallels between it and my relationship with caitlin were pretty staggering. not really a bad thing, it was just weird to think about things i haven't thought about in a long time. it seems like a lifetime ago.

i am not one to complain, anyone who knows me knows that, but periodically i get hit with a crushing wave of loneliness that is hard to deal with. im not depressed, it always passes, just, days like today are emotional.

ive been riding my bike 6 - 10 miles a day, and was lucky enough to score a job at a bike shop. my car is out of commission and the shop is within riding distance so im excited about getting into shape again.

why is it so hard for me to follow through with anything unless its forced on me?

i should write more, im bad at it.

goodnight moon.

in addition to my last post, let me add

a girl that doesn't own a cat or want to be a vampire.

you would be surprised at how many of the female population this will disqualify.

i just want to find a girl

that doesn't mind it when i want to grow my depp-stache out, just to see how gross it can get.

because she gets how funny it would be.

redbear, day 4

so today i was going to try to finish her up, and that is almost what i did.
i put the chassis back in and the feet and the handle and the grill.

it looks super fucking rad.
i WILL post some pics soon, not that really anyone would care that much, but it might be nice for anyone reading this that has no idea what i am talking about.

i did decide that i am going to order some new metal corners, the old ones are hella heavy duty and huge and look lame. they are distracting from its beauty.

i am also still going to paint the inside lip black so it doesnt look kinda discolored and unfinished, like it does now.

i am still on the fence with the grill.
it looks cool as is, but i feel like it might look cooler with a custom front.
i talked to the guys at emperor and they are gonna sell me some grill cloth that matches my cab. probably for pretty cheap, so im just going to order it and make the thing and try it out. if it works better then awesome, if not, i really didnt lose much.

plus i forgot how much fun projects like this are. im stoked on how it turned out but im also sad that its almost over with.

in other news , as soon as i get me bass head fixed and sold, im going to order an emperor 4x12 to match my 2x12. kris is getting a 6x12 from mojotone and i cant let him be louder than me.

i think i have west nile virus from victors front porch.

pics soooooon.

redbear, day 3

so it took me 5 hours, but i sanded the entire thing down.

the sander that i borrowed completely broke about 3 hours in so the rest was done completley by hand. this, was intense.

originally i was going to leave the bottom alone, but when it came down to it, i had to see what i could do, and then it became a mission.

this project has made me feel super accomplished, its a rad feeling.

so anyway, i got the whole thing sanded and then i applied the stain.

it looks super sick, i cant wait to put on the semi-gloss top coat tomorrow and get the electronics back in.

i decided against the plexi glass idea, if the inside of the amp was cleaner, this might rule. but i am just going to by some grill cloth and make a frame to stick in the front of it. kris suggested i just stick the grills back in and be done with it. originally i hated the grills, but after all this it might look cool, im going to try it out and see what i think.

i actually did take a couple of pics this time, but they are on my phone and i need to figure out how to get them off of my phone before i can upload them.

awesome.