chapter 5ish

now comes the hard part.

my life

is so fucking weird right now.


i wish i had words to describe this feeling.





fuck.

without mythologies.

if it weren't for my band i would have lost my mind by now.

we played our first show last night.
it was probably the most amazing and violent act i have ever been a part of.
also the most cathartic.


i have no idea whats going on anymore, and i feel lost.
i definitely have absolutely NO control over any part of this thing.
thats nothing new though, i never have.
and its what i need, but its exhausting.
i just have a feeling, that soon, everything is going to fall apart.




fuck, i hate this doubt, its not me.
but the line we walk is a thin one.


i somehow find comfort in knowing that you don't understand this any more than me.





sorry, im just thinking out loud now.
i've been avoiding a post like this for a while, it just helps so much to write it down.




for the first time in a long time i feel the overwhelming desire to leave.
leave this state.
leave this country.

both will happen soon.





let's explode.