if it weren't for my band i would have lost my mind by now.
we played our first show last night.
it was probably the most amazing and violent act i have ever been a part of.
also the most cathartic.
i have no idea whats going on anymore, and i feel lost.
i definitely have absolutely NO control over any part of this thing.
thats nothing new though, i never have.
and its what i need, but its exhausting.
i just have a feeling, that soon, everything is going to fall apart.
fuck, i hate this doubt, its not me.
but the line we walk is a thin one.
i somehow find comfort in knowing that you don't understand this any more than me.
sorry, im just thinking out loud now.
i've been avoiding a post like this for a while, it just helps so much to write it down.
for the first time in a long time i feel the overwhelming desire to leave.
leave this state.
leave this country.
both will happen soon.
let's explode.
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