baby, its cold outside.

its christmas eve.
today i realized for the millionth time, how amazing my family is.
and how lucky i am to have them.

my mom and dad are the cutest people i know, they are totally still in love after 28 years of marriage. it blows my mind and continuously gives me hope that there is someone out there that i am meant to happily spend the rest of my life with. its a crazy thought, and sappy, but true.

the ride to mount airy, was cramped, but fun.

christmas eve at the lundy's is always unpredictable.
but todays event became legendary when i awoke from a nice nap to the sound of my uncle and grandfather shooting a 9mm pistol from the front porch.
arriving downstairs, what looked to be the arsenal for a small army was spread upon the couch.
now, i hate guns, with a passion, but after catching up on what i had missed, i just had to laugh.
classic lundy, man.

now, i am the opposite of a religous person.
i don't believe in christmas.
but i love this time of year and what surrounds the holiday, getting to spend quality time with family that you dont get to see very much and giving well thought out presents to the ones you care about the most.

my life is back on the upswing and i am excited about the near future:

tomorrow morning
lindsey
the nutcracker
new years eve
collector
playing music with ryan dean
going back to school
starting a career

and anything that comes my way.
i am ready for it.


merry christmas everyone, i hope you are spending it with the ones you love.

HEY!

i'm thirsty...

no.


but really, i figured it out, man.
i got this.

im going back to school and it feels amazing.

and so relieving.

i know exactly what i want to do, and it only took me 27 years to be sure.

fuck you jimmy johns, i'll be leaving soon.

this winter might actually end up being pretty alright.


<3

watermark

i've got this chronic problem,
where i know exactly what the outcome of a questionable situation is going to be.
but i completely ignore that
and just go for it anyway.
i guess, in hopes of the 0.000000000000001% chance
that it won't turn out the way i know its going to.

and EVERY SINGLE TIME i think that i have learned my lesson.

nope.
completely disregarded.

fuck, its draining.



on an unrelated side note:

why is it so fucking hard for people to be honest!?!?

everyone should try it, it rules way harder than you think.




so...
i'm pretty unhappy with my life right now and i have no idea where to go from here.

i have no doubt that i will figure it out eventually, but for now, its becoming increasingly difficult to stay optimistic.

and that is a feeling i'm not very used to.


lately im fighting awfully hard the desire to fall back into a hermit like state that once was very comfortable.
but i was happy to get out of.

i guess it is that time of year, though.

luckily tuesday night will always be dollar night.
see you at the bar, man.

today's the day.

i think i might have been a little bit upset when i posted that last entry.


tonight we drink to new beginnings.




<3

tonight's the night.

i want to crash my car into the ocean.
i want to ride my bike to the moon.
i want to sleep in the baseball stadium.
i want to start a fire in my room.
i want to break my computer.
i want to make some popcorn.
i want to hide this picture.

i want to fuck a complete stranger.

i want to drink until i blackout.
i want to take another shower.
i want to eat a cheeseburger.
i want to murder everyone with a McCain/Palin bumper sticker.
i want to tear down every fucking billboard.
i want to turn my phone off for a full year.
i want to learn how to lie again.


i want to always remember that its going to get worse, before it gets better.
but it will always get better.

my life

is the best sitcom you have ever seen.

romance
drama
comedy
action
adventure
new twists around ever corner!!!

what will happen next!?!?!?!?

tune in to find out.



<3

battle axe.

today i am angry.
for the first time in a very, very long time.
over bullshit, ALL OF IT.
way too much at one time.

i never fucking learn.

my name is jason foster.
tomorrow i will be 27 years old, and i'm fucking pissed off.
happy birthday to me.



<3

nerd house.

so i had new reality show idea.
i think it would be a huge success.

NERD HOUSE

basically you just get a whole lot of the smartest, egocentric and most socially awkward, people you can find.
and then put them all in a house together.
i think it might make things funnier/more interesting, if it was just a regular house. 4 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath, in a normal neighborhood.
with like 20 people trying to live in it.
sleeping bags and blankets will be provided, along with a few couches and beds (not an even number though, someone will always be missing out.)
they will be allowed to leave, but their only transportation will be 1 smart car and 1 children's bicycle. (not each, total)
and then you make them do challenges.
half brain type and half physical.
the two, or one who wins these challenges will be immune to being voted off by the rest of the group.
no teams or sides, its every nerd for themselves.

i would watch this every week, religuously.

OH!
and the celebrity host will be carlton from the fresh prince.

<3

sweater weather.

story states
that i need more
to keep me from
being awake
than a book,

i need a battle.




there's a little light on somewhere
keeping me from completely falling asleep.



(story of my life, man)

guh.

And I try not to worry,
but you've got me terrified.
it's like we're in some kind of hurry
to say goodbye.





infinite repeat.

live through this, and you won't look back.

things are finally starting to evolve and its more relieving than i expected.

i feel good about the immediate future.
really, really good.




in other news...

i quit b.b.'s
that place has become a shit hole
i dont know how it is still open now.
i have a really sweet new haircut.
a really rad new house.
the king of all porches.
a good job and great friends.
and a lot of plans for the summer.

like bringing a knife to a gunfight.

godamn, i needed that.




<3

chapter 5ish

now comes the hard part.

my life

is so fucking weird right now.


i wish i had words to describe this feeling.





fuck.

without mythologies.

if it weren't for my band i would have lost my mind by now.

we played our first show last night.
it was probably the most amazing and violent act i have ever been a part of.
also the most cathartic.


i have no idea whats going on anymore, and i feel lost.
i definitely have absolutely NO control over any part of this thing.
thats nothing new though, i never have.
and its what i need, but its exhausting.
i just have a feeling, that soon, everything is going to fall apart.




fuck, i hate this doubt, its not me.
but the line we walk is a thin one.


i somehow find comfort in knowing that you don't understand this any more than me.





sorry, im just thinking out loud now.
i've been avoiding a post like this for a while, it just helps so much to write it down.




for the first time in a long time i feel the overwhelming desire to leave.
leave this state.
leave this country.

both will happen soon.





let's explode.

where do we go from here?

just about anywhere.



i'm at a loss for words.





<3

life as of late.

has been crazy.
but for the most part, amazing.

new friends.
insane adventures.
intense parties.

war elephant is going strong and picking up momentum.
im anxious to play our first show.
ive never been more happy and fulfilled in a band like this and it feels incredible.
i cant wait to start playing and share it with everyone.
even though most of you will probably hate it.
hahaha

thebreathing has been on hold lately, that stuff has always been more for me than anyone else.
but i have had a burst of creativity the past week and i wrote a new song.
i will leave you with it.

see you all in party town, i'll be the guy slapping your girlfriend's ass and filling your hat with cheese balls.

<3


thai tea

it's been a long year
but you know just as well as i
cause we have walked the same roads
the same time

and we have been alone
for our whole lives
so what's the big deal now?

only
this one thought remains
solely

(don't leave)

yeah, we have been over this
and i have been over it
over and over again

but to tell you the truth
i wouldn't let go of you
even if i knew how to

so i'm lost
and it's late
and ive been thinking these thoughts too long
without saying anything
its cold
and im confused
so please bare with me
bare with me
please

at least
until i find the words i need

i think...

sometimes you just need to lay in your floor, listening to novi split and staring at the ceiling fan for an hour or two, to put your whole life into perspective.



this will be a good year.



<3

winter dies the same way every spring.

the weakerthans are the only band that can still bring tears to my eyes every fucking time.
every time.



i just saw the movie sunshine.
i have to say,
it sort of blew me away.

im unstable at the moment but it feels good to be this vulnerable every once in a while.

this year is going to be an interesting one.
on both side of the fence.
i dont know if that really makes sense.
it does to me.
this blog isnt going to make much sense, i can already tell.

i apologize in advance.

lately i have discovered some new things about myself.
i like knowing myself so well.
you know, all you have to do is listen.
its scary sometimes.
i go into my head and just think about the things i do, or don't.
i know every issue.

but lately i have been wondering why.
its not as easy to pinpoint.
and what is the cure exactly?
and would i change anything if i could?

i think i genuinely enjoy the turmoil as much as the highs.
that may be fucked up but its true and i am okay with that.
i feel alive.
and im not depressed, or really crazy, or have any serious problems.
i am thankful for that.
and im glad i can still be honest with myself, as well as most people i know.

there are some people i miss too much.
there are some people i dont miss as much as i should.
there are things i cant control.
there are things i can, but don't.
there are games i play that arent healthy.
and i wish i could stop before i hurt someone else that i love.
is knowing these things even helpful?

this is going deeper than i originally desired it to go.
im opting out before it gets out of hand.





in the end, it feels good to be able to say, if i love you, you know it.

<3

if mike huckabee wins

i will kill myself.

or him.


or i am moving out of the country.

i will not live in mike huckabees america.


seriously, is anyone paying attention?

number one : he is a baptist fucking minister


2. seperation of church and state? fuck no. FUCK NO.

"My faith is my life - it defines me. My faith doesn't influence my decisions, it drives them. For example, when it comes to the environment, I believe in being a good steward of the earth. I don't separate my faith from my personal and professional lives."

3. over turning the roe vs. wade verdict? fuck womens right to choose. god doesnt think its right, he asked him about it.

4. BANNING GAY MARRIGIAGE by fighting for a constitutional amendment defining marriage as one man and one woman? only straight people deserve to be happy, right? he also talked to god about this one.

5. war in iraq? keep it going.

"Setting a timetable for withdrawal is a mistake. This country has never declared war until "a week from Wednesday," we have always declared war until victory."

what exactly are we trying to "win" here, mike?

6. guns? everyone should own one. baby's. criminals. its in the constitution for gods sakes

number seven: hes a baptist fucking minister.


are you fucking kidding me.

im so angry right now.

come on america, dont let me down again.

please?




<3

back to reality.

come to think of it, i really prefer complications.

okay, thats nothing new.


shutup jason.






okay.